The Big 3: Questions

"Do you know what you're having?" We are not finding out the sex of the baby this time. We found out with Stella because I wanted to know. I wanted to feel the bond with my little boy or girl and imagine that life continuing right on outside of the womb. This time R said he didn't want to know, and I respect that. I kind of want to know but I could never find out and not tell him. I have a hard time not telling him that I surprised him with cookies at the supermarket!

But I am starting to understand R's reason for not wanting to know. Not that we aren't excited or think this is a real thing but it allows us to focus on a baby, and not a sex. It allows for the fates more. It allows for something natural. Which is totally weird to say because we are essentially planning the delivery down to the slightest detail. Not knowing the sex is a consolation for not having another natural birth. Stella's pregnancy was fine; her delivery was not.

It also allows us to shoot down questions a little easier! :) Both of us dread the questions. R doesn't get them as much as I do, naturally, but neither of us deal with them well.

"When are you due?" The due date is easy with few emotions attached. When we found out I was pregnant again around the same time I was pregnant with Stella I was terrified that the due date would be in February. Any day in February would have freaked me out. But the due date is January 31! Phew! Because I know I will have a scheduled c-section the week before (should I  get that far) I usually answer January or the end of January.

The other question is a biggie. "Is this your first?" When I first found out I was pregnant I wanted to tell everyone this is my second. I planned to. But reality set in. I rarely tell people this is my second. A few people at work know. But all strangers I tell them this is my first. I do it not to deny Stella's existence but to ease the stress and pain for myself. If it's a stranger, they don't really need to know. Often times it brings up more and more questions that I can't answer. [I can't talk about it much but we believe that Stella was in distress during pushing and we believe there is evidence showing this that, had it been seen and acknowledged, could have led to an intervention and possibly saved her life.] The important people in my life know what happened and that this is our second.

Sidebar here: It bothers me when people say that everything will be fine this time. I want to say, and often do, that there's no sure thing. We are hopeful but we won't know until the baby is here.