One more holiday down

So glad Christmas is done. I want to pretend that December didn't happen. The lead up to Christmas wasn't so bad. Thank goodness for online shopping and fast forwarding through Christmas commercials. I didn't even watch my usual favorite Christmas movies- no Elf, no Christmas Story, no Christmas Vacation, no Muppet Christmas Carol, nothing. We didn't go to any Christmas parties and stayed away from general cheer. We made the holidays what was important to us.



With help from a friend



And another friend

And another friend!

Then Christmas Day came and R and I were both in a real funk. R and I hadn't discussed Christmas presents this year but I got him a bunch of random things. Then 2 days before Christmas I was freaking out because I didn't get him anything meaningful or anything from Stella. I was mad at myself for not thinking of it and then not doing anything. Christmas morning there were all the random gifts I got R and one he got me:

A gorgeous silver baby spoon with a moon and stars. I started crying and felt bad for getting R nothing gifts and he felt bad because he only got me the one thing. But I understood it was hard for him to be creative with a lot of gifts and it was hard for me to focus on a meaningful one. I love the spoon so much and I really hope we are able to use it. Plus, I've been thinking about a good tattoo design to get to represent my family once this baby is born and as soon as I saw the design on the spoon I thought "that's it"!

After opening gifts and eating breakfast, we skyped with R's sister and then went to see True Grit. Great movie! And it was good to be busy. We got home and I cooked some quiches for my family Christmas on the 26th and we had friends over at night. We played a board game and talked. It was good to not have to think a lot about the day. We were both pretty devastated to not have our baby with us.

Sunday was Christmas at my mom's house with my sister and her family and my brother and his family. My brother made one comment to me, just one. He said " so does your phone have a block against me or what? Every time I call you don't pick up and you don't call me back. Do you not want to talk to me?" I turned away from him and said "well, maybe I don't." That shut him up! I don't pick up the phone because I don't like that he only calls me on days he's obligated to! He was quiet for a bit and then slowly started talking to me again as the day went on. I don't think he truly realizes that he wasn't there for me but there is no use in fighting over it. He has his own issues which keep him from being a good brother to me. I don't accept that but I accept that I can't change it. I just don't know how it will be when this baby is born. I don't know if I even want him to come and visit. You can't pick and choose the times to be there for someone.  My sister-in-law was pretty bummed; the funeral is schedule for tomorrow; so it was a pretty low key event.

We got home and it started to snow and snow. We got about a foot of snow with huge drifts. I got an extra day off work and was able to start the quilt I'm making for the baby.

All in all, everything was fine. We cried a lot but we had some laughs. Mostly we just wanted everything to be done, which is such a terrible feeling. I thought about taking down the tree yesterday but decided to leave it up until the weekend.There was no joy, no magic, no wonder this year. Just a few more days until the New Year.

Good riddance to 2010- although 2 rainbow babies were born in the past 2 weeks-one yesterday: Congratulations Malory!

Let the New Year bring happiness to all.