Dear little Owl,
I'm so sad and I'm trying not to be. I can feel you kicking away right now and it gives me some peace so please don't stop.
I called my doctor today to talk about the pros and cons of renting a fetal heart doppler thingy. I want to be able to hear the baby's heartbeat to possibly help me be a little less anxious. I heard exactly what I was expecting. She doesn't recommend having one at home because if I can't find the heartbeat it will cause even more anxiety. She said it's hard to find the heartbeat sometimes and what if I can't find it at 8pm or so, would I go to the ER? She said if I am having anxiety I am more than welcome to schedule a weekly appointment to come in and hear the heartbeat.
Honestly, there is no amount of soothing that can be done for me not to worry. I could hear the heartbeat everyday and for those hours I'm not listening to it, I would be worrying. I feel the baby move and I am okay and then it stops and I worry.
I have no real reason to be so nervous. Stella's pregnancy was fine. I'm not high-risk; just emotionally high-risk. I know now what can go wrong and I don't trust the universe.
2 comments:
I don't blame you for being extra nervous, I would be a basket case if I were in your shoes. It is so hard to trust in anything biologic after enduring such a loss. Thinking of you and hoping you find some peace.
Hi Amanda. Obviously, I am a little slow and just wanted to thank you for the card you send. It was perfect with the dragonfly on the front and I love the quote on the inside. Thank you so much, your thoughtfulness is so much appreciated. Thinking of you and Stella. Hugs!
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