Today is January 12, 2011. Tomorrow will be 11 months since Stella was born. Today it is 13 days until we meet Owl. Tomorrow it will be 12 days. Less than 2 weeks. Tomorrow will be 12 days until it will be 11 months since Stella died.
Where has this year gone? It was a fog, a dream, a nightmare.
I was originally really nervous that this baby will be born on the 25th. The 25th has a lot of emotion already tied to it. I thought it was a bad omen. But I can see those everywhere anyway. Maybe this will redeem the 25th for us. Every thing about this pregnancy and really, life in general, is so loaded with emotion, why not Owl's birth date?!
In other news, R and I went out to buy a new outfit for the baby to come home in. I wanted something that wasn't a hand-me-down or something we had for Stella. We found the perfect sweater onesie thing with an owl on it. I just hope Owl comes home in it and not the alternative.
This was a big step for me, getting a piece of clothing. I have been really terrible about not getting too much stuff, even though I desperately want to. I even have anxiety about packing a hospital bag. But, deep breath, I am collecting things to pack up. I have pj's for myself set aside in the baby's room, along with the owl onesie, a hat with a moon on it we got as a gift for Stella, and a blanket. It's my goal on this snowy day today to open up the bin I put everything baby related into months ago and empty the "MOM" embroidered tote bag my sister-in-law got me of Stella's things and pack it with Owl's things.
It would be incorrect to say I'm not excited. I am. But I am so much more than excited. I am anxious. Desperate. Terrified. Exhausted. Hopeful. Heartbroken.
I used to want to go into labor early so I could meet the baby sooner and so I wouldn't have to have that sleepless night on the 24th. My doctor told me that it's better to come in as planned. She said even though it's not an emergency c-section, it will make everyone feel better to be prepared. She's right, damn it all! So we wait for 13 more days.
5 comments:
I woke up with you on my mind. I was going to send you an e-mail that said: 13 days, how are you feeling?
I know buying the take home outfit was a big step, and an emotional one too. I'm proud of you for being able to do it.
Sending love and peace to you and R, friend.
Wishing you all the best. Buying an outfit may seem like a small task but unfortunately for us it isn't. Can't wait to hear all about your arrival.
I hope it wasn't too awful going through Stella's things today. I'll be thinking of you everyday for the next 13 days (well probably a few more until you have a chance to update us on how surgery went and how Owl is doing.)
I'm so anxious I can barely sit still. I am excited for you and also terrified and I'm sure that sounds horrible. Know that I am thinking of you and sending all my love!
Owl WILL come home in that outfit.
I beleive that will all of me.
I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep the night before the induction but I knocked out. I hope the same happens for you!
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