A sunnier day

So as I've mentioned I've been in a real funk lately. I have been crying more and anxious more and sad/depressed/angry/sullen/moody more. But I feel a little better today. Perhaps it has something to do with the sun coming out for the first time in almost a week.

But I really need to have a day to remember what I have going for me, what R and I have going for us and to let the darkness fade to the back for one day.

• R and I are healthy. Our families are healthy. Our baby is currently healthy.

• Owl is growing. We got to see him/her again on Monday. Owl was being super cute. We even got to see a yawn! I had never seen that before. And I believe we are going to have the c-section scheduled for the morning of Monday, January 24. I won't talk about my fear of delivery but it's amazing to me to have a date set.

• We haven't had a lot of interest, yet, in our house but that's okay because I still like our house. I like driving up after work now that it's dark and seeing the lights in the windows and the windows steamy from cooking. Our house is very cozy.

• I'm feeling creative again. Sometimes this is a little overwhelming because I tend to want to do a hundred projects at once. But I am preparing a design for a quilt for Owl which I will work on around Christmas and New Year. I am crocheting hats for R and perhaps my nieces and nephews for Christmas. I am even making something for someone who's having a baby soon.

• R is doing well at work so we have a good amount of savings. We're not great at saving and if we get the house it will all go away I'm sure, but it's comforting to have a cushion when I am thinking of not working for a while.

• My work has been really supportive of me taking time off for appointments and such. And my boss has been very normal and understanding of me not wanting to come back full time. I can see them welcoming me back at a part-time position when the time is right.

• Our relationship (R and me) is strong. We have a good balance and always have and even when we're sad and angry we help to balance each other. If R needs to cry or be lazy, then I step it up. If I need to cry or need more hugs, R is always there for me. And if we both feel like crap then we order Chinese food and watch bad movies all night. This a test no relationship should have to endure but I like R and I are doing well.

• We did have and will always have in our hearts a beautiful baby girl. She will always be remembered and honored and loved. We were lucky to have a happy and healthy pregnancy, which is more than a lot of people have. And we are on our way to having another healthy pregnancy.

At this time of year you realize that there are others more in need. We have each other; we have food; we have shelter; we have clothing; we have safety; we don't want for much. This is a lot more than others have all over the world. I am thankful.