Let it be

Phew. This morning was better than last night but I still had that residual feeling of heaviness and dread.

Last night I freaked out a little bit, couldn't breath, couldn't focus on any positive. I guess it all started watching the Gershwin Prize special with Paul McCartney at the White House. I love the Beatles and I love Paul McCartney but sometimes those lyrics are so loaded for me. I did good until Let It Be started. Then I started to think about how this is how I should live my life: have a little faith and let things be as they will. But then it dawned on me this is a very scary way to live. I want to control everything and I can't and there is nothing I can do. There is nothing I can do to ensure a positive outcome to this pregnancy. And what if this baby doesn't come home with us either. I don't know if I can handle that. I am already a little bit crazy about making sure the last thing I say to my husband before one of us leaves or gets off the phone is "I love you." Just in case. What can I do about the baby. What can I do that will be that magic thing that makes everything all right? Or if it isn't, then will give me the peace that I did what I could?