3 months, oh my!!

I have been meaning to post for weeks now! Eleanor is now 3 months old and it has been a crazy month. We had the big 2 month immunization debate last month. R didn't want to give Eleanor all her shots at once so we decided to split them into 2 appointments. The first shot she got, the DTaP, her leg swelled up and she had a screaming fit for an hour. Then a week and a half later we went back for the rotavirus, hep B, and Hib. After the second round she got horrible diarrhea and a fever of 102! We called the doctor and they told us to bring her in if the fever got to 102.5. We were taking her temperatue every 20 minutes, the poor thing. Luckily, it never got over 102 but it was scary and sad to see her sick. She was eating every 2-3 hours again which was good for her to keep up her fluids but bad for my sanity! The reactions also sucked because now we're going to be scared every time she gets a shot! There is no way I can say to R now that she shouldn't worry. I know the vaccines prevent worse illness but when your 2 month old is whimpering and crying for 2 days you don't want to do anything to cause that again!

Then, oh my goodness, then I got sick! I had a horrible stomach flu with diarrhea and vomiting and fever. I couldn't eat anything. I was so weak. My milk supply got all weird from being dehydrated. All I wanted to do was sleep. I could barely take care of Eleanor. It lasted for 4 days! Then R got the same sickness! So I was still recovering, trying to take care of myself, Eleanor, and then R. It was 2 LONG weeks of sickness.

And because we were all out of sorts we slacked on giving Eleanor her bottles to try to switch her over to formula. It was just easier to feed her myself. But now she won't take a bottle at all! I am lucky enough to have R watch Eleanor on Fridays so I can take a yoga class. Last Friday she screamed the whole time I was gone because R tried to give her a bottle. We've tried every day since then and nothing. We've tried different bottles and breastmilk instead of formula. She chews on the nipple, moves her head back and forth, and if you keep going she cries. I wouldn't be so concerned but I am going to be working an 8 hour day in a couple weeks and she's going to need to take at least one bottle. R works from home but it turns out in the next few weeks he's traveling a lot so I have to try to give her bottles. Everything I read says it's easier if Dad gives the bottle but it's not going to happen now. And I feel like R doesn't have the patience to keep trying. The other day I got her to eat 2 ounces from the bottle but it took like an hour. R gives up if she doesn't eat in 15 minutes. I am starting to get so stressed about it. I can't leave her to not eat for 8 hours and if she's screaming R doesn't have the patience to keep trying. I can imagine I go to work and he shows up 3 hours later with Eleanor for me to feed her! I can't work with that hanging over my head!

Sigh. But other than that Eleanor is awesome, awesome, awesome. I never imagined I could want to stare at another human being so much! She is smiling so much now. She smiles at me in the morning when I go into her room to get her. She smiles after she eats and I hold her up to talk to her.

She's babbling a little bit now too. She usually babbles at us when we talk to her. It almost sounds like she's trying to imitate us! She sometimes even moves her mouth while she stares at our mouths when we talk. The cutest thing is that we sometimes lay her in her crib to get a few things done and so she can have some quiet awake time and she talks to herself. We can be in the kitchen and hear her babbling away! So cute!

She hates to be on her tummy and will usually turn over to her back as soon as you put her on her tummy. She likes to sit up but currently hates the bumpo seat. She prefers to sit on the couch. We just yesterday put together this jumperoo thing we got way back before Stella. She actually likes it! She sits there grabbing the closest toy and staring. She has great head control but not great stomach muscles yet so she can last for about 10-15 minutes before she starts to slump but she's quiet and alert the whole time!

I am amazed to see her so much like a baby and not a newborn. I actually had a moment yesterday when I felt how bittersweet that feeling is. I want to be able to put her down to do things around the house but then when I do and she's quiet and happy I get sad that she doesn't need her mommy every moment.

She's getting so big now too. We're getting into more 3-6 month clothes than 0-3 month clothes. I almost wish we had a doctor visit so I could see how big she is officially!

One thought that has been popping up in my head a lot lately, especially as Eleanor gets bigger and more fun, is that I feel so cheated that I never got to love Stella this way. I will always have love for Stella as my child, as my firstborn, but the love I have for Eleanor, caring for her, feeding her, playing with her, and watching her grow is so deep. It's something that was taken for me when Stella died. I'm not able to love her the same way and I hate that.

I hate to end a post on such a sad thought so I will leave you with a cute photo:


Ready for a walk. Yay Spring!